back to whitney.

o.k... are you done laughing now?...

this is a picture of me (on the left) and my older sister amber (on the right). we were on our way to our first concert ever, Whitney Houston, and our aunt Lisa was taking us. i remember the feelings of excitement going to my first concert, and being with my sister and my favorite aunt. i made sure my bangs were sprayed real well, i helped amber rat her hair, and i knew that my white boots and esprit shirt with rolled sleeves were basically as cool as it could get. wasn't life simple then?

i would have never guessed that my older sister of just 1 1/2 years would find drugs, and make the decision to give them a try. what i would have guessed is that we would be helping each other through motherhood, raising our children together, and continuing on the journey of life together as sisters. unfortunately, that hasn't happened. addiction has taken over her life, and even after my parents numerous attempts at rehabs and counselors, she continues to choose a different path. i rarely speak to amber unless it is a call from a jail cell, a call to speak to her son for a minute, or a call for money. about once a year for the past 10 years she asks me how she can fix her life. i respond the same way every time, "amber, you need to get off of everything, get a job, pray to Heavenly Father, ask Him for help, and leave those friends forever." she always replies with the same, " i know, i know, it's just so hard."

the amber i remember from the whitney houston concert is beginning to slip from my memory, but that is what i want to remember; the amber who loved "new kids on the block", the amber who couldn't wait to go to her first church dance, the amber who ran faster than every boy in the neighborhood, and the amber who could become friends with everyone.

why do i write this? because life isn't always flowers, crafts, and cupcakes. there are so many life lessons and relationships that contribute to who i am today. and the reflection of those experiences can only make me stronger. in retrospect, i long to go back to the whitney concert and change the course of time for my sister, but for now i will focus on patience, love, and a hope for a miracle.